Born in 400 BC, Ivan had a troubled childhood, due mostly to his mother trying to eat him. It was a hard life, but he made it through. He was one of the co-builders of the wheel along with Sir Edward Miriamtonshiresonington IV. In the 1400s, he relocated to Transylvania and joined the circus as the perpetually bearded man. Young and old were amazed at the continuous scruff on this male Adonis. During the 1800s, Ivan moved to Canada during the Potato Famine and worked on the construction of the Canadian Railway. He received the name “Ivan the Great” for leveling an entire mountain using only his moustache.

He soon became a rich man but lost everything in the early 1980s on a riverboat gambling trip. Penniless, he had to find another livelihood which he soon discovered in the form of tattooing. For the past 25 years, Ivan has been a slave to the needle, pumping out works of art at an amazing rate.

Ivan enjoys muskie fishing, Timmies XL 3x3, rambling stories, and pining over his long-lost mullet.

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